Wednesday, October 18, 2006

My testosterone is AFK.

Hello my peeples, /sorry, I was AFK....but for good reason.

I got a new job.

Anyways, last Friday I took the Metrolink to work. 13 bucks a pop, round trip, but without the stress of driving, the danger of crashing, and the fire of road rage. Of course I wasn't the only one who thought the idea of riding the train was genius. By the second day of commuting, I realized that there are regulars that frequent the system. I really enjoying it, like riding in a school bus..but as adults.

I leave my house at 6:45am. Ten minute drive to the Norwalk station and my train leaves at 7:05am. Validate my ticket, find an open seat, which there's usually a lot of. I play Tetris on my DS on level 5, vs. CPU. The trip takes about 35 minutes total. I get to the Irvine station a little passed eight o'clock, then a bus waiting for us takes me a block from where i work. I walk from the bus stop to work which usually takes about 10 minutes. I greet the doorman to our building and take the mail delivery elevator up to the 12th floor. Why do I take the mail room delivery elevator? Well, 4 words - diamond plate steel walls. From top to bottom, those panels go. That my friend, that place, is where my manhood is renewed. Because for the next 8 hours of work, I'll be sitting on my ass, with my nicely groomed fingernails, and soft, supple, and moisturized skin, pushing keys and clicking a mouse. I will not feel the sun on my back, nor see the sweat off my brow. It will not be hot, or cold, because the central cooling system is set at a perfect 72 degrees. My back or wrists will not ache because of the wonders of ergonomic products. Human contact is reduced by almost 50% because e-mail does everything...even your taxes. And as my balls start to shrink, I hope..just hope that UPS or DHL isn't using the mail delivery elevator, so that I may renew my manhood once again in solitude.

DISCLAIMER: PLEASE DO NOT TAKE THIS POST SERIOUSLY. IF YOUR BALLS REALLY DO SHRINK WHEN WORKING AT A DESK JOB PLEASE GO SEE A DOCTOR. THE TERM "BALLS" IS USED IN A PURELY METAPHORICAL MANNER. IF YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT A METAPHOR IS, JUST ASK YOUR DOCTOR, SINCE YOU'RE PROBABLY THERE ALREADY.

2 comments:

fatty said...

I'll ask my doctor, though I don't think mine shrink, they just get taken for a while.

Ryan said...

Excellent post. +1

How'd you get the balls to even try the mail (male?) elevator? I mean, you've only been there a week! It usually takes me longer to get brave and do things I maybe shouldn't.